Blog Entries posted by Flaw
Redirect: An incomplete odyssey :3
We all, as staff members, have our own unique vision of JR. I do not even know what half the staff imagines JR to be in two years from now.
However, some of us seek a professional outlook and are bent on sticking to it. Others envisage a friendly community where we live like a family, forgiving each others' mistakes and learning something new everyday. Me? I don't think I want to be on either side. What good would it be to be entirely professional? What good would it be to be entirely casual? Why can't we agree on an environment that everyone enjoys, has reasonable restrictions, and is semi-pro? That's the JR I have always wanted.
I was a User Manager back in the day when there was virtually no relevance of the rank. I like to think of myself as a representative of the staff now, helpers, moderators and administrators alike and anything that needs to be said, I do go up and convey to Jamie.
I don't know though... I'm just sad we're turning into an absolute professional community. We all have a life outside Minecraft with certain responsibilities and jobs; deadlines to meet. Minecraft-time is when we're supposed to "enjoy" helping members of our community; it is supposed to be something we do willingly. It is hardly that anymore.
Just a thought.
Right, so some of you may know I finished high school back in March, and the results came out this morning. Before I proceed, here's something:
In my Accounts' practical exam, I was worried I had written my roll number wrong. I thought I had lost my marks there, about 10; but I wasn't sure. It was a memory elapse to be honest: I couldn't remember whether I wrote it right or wrong. Thankfully, I did write the right roll number!
Now, my results:
English - 76
That (image) good enough? I think so too. Bastards.
Even students who didn't study year round, picked up the books in the last days are scoring 90+. I don't want to live on this planet anymore... wait.. I don't want CBSE (Central Board for Secondary Education) to exist on this planet anymore.
Accountancy - 93
Sums it up.
Business Studies - 97
Just as I expected
Economics - 81
Yeah, it didn't go too well, and I expected around 80, so can't complain.
Computer Science - 93
Just as expected, again.
Best 4, not including Computer Science (ironical, but that's just the way it is) - 86.75%
Overall - 88%
I have lost about 3% in my best 4 because of some stupid guy who checked my answer sheet. 86.75% is not enough for a good college.
I've got an entrance test tomorrow, that checks my aptitude (it's a lie) for business administration. We have four sections:
Logical & Analytical Reasoning
Management & Communication Skills
There are 150 questions in all. 4 marks awarded for the correct answer, 1 mark subtracted for an incorrect answer, 0 for a question not attempted.
Where I took my coaching this past month and a half, they recently organised two mock tests. I could only score about 220 out of 600 in both. It's still better than the rest, who were still cruising in the 100-200 range. The coaching institute says the difficulty level of the mock tests is more than the actual test we'll take. I don't know what that means, but I hope it translates into 350+ marks in the test I will take tomorrow, considering I also strengthened my English and General Knowledge yesterday and today. I will go and study more right now too.
I will be leaving at 5 in the morning, and hope to reach my centre of examination (in the capital of India: Delhi) by 9. The test begins at 10:30 and finishes at 13:00.
I hope I do well, and get a good rank. I want to get admitted into the top 5 colleges or I'll look to do something else, instead of business administration (or look at another university).
Wish me luck!
I'll just give my schedule and you can see why I have been inactive:
8:40 - 10:20
Read the newspaper, get ready for classes (bath, breakfast etc.)
10:20 - 13:50
Usually, the classes are from 10:30 to 13:30. One class of two hours, another of one hour. But sometimes we have a third class of one hour more.
13:50 - 14:50
Since I have just studied for three/four hours continuously, it's time to rest. One hour at most. I can not simply afford anything more than that. What do I do in this one hour? I lie down on the bed for 5 minutes, have my lunch, check Facebook (usually nothing), check JR (just the main news, and sometimes topics), and browse misc. websites for any updates, and if there's anything new from Arsenal (my favorite football club).
14:50 - 19:15
I've joined the classes late... really late. By 22 days, to give you a count. That means I have a lot of work to do: not only home-work, but at least a chapter in each subject. How much work is it? A lot. For example, 30 questions in Math, 95 in Reasoning, revision of about 100 current affairs questions is what I did today. Yesterday, I did about 60 questions in Reasoning, revised 80 words with their meaning, one synonym, and one antonym each, and learnt about 25 more, and solved 10 cloze passages and 10 reading comprehension passages in English. You get the idea.
19:15 - 20:00
I'm feeling really bored by now, and I go for a walk. I recently twisted my knee and I haven't been able to jog. I was just getting good with my stamina and then this. I want to sweat more, because I've been gaining weight.
20:00 - 20:30
Facebook, JR, water-melon (my favorite)
20:30 - 21:00
Listen to music/watch a TV show, dinner
21:00 - 23:00
This is the time-slot I am at ease; or am I? Because next day the cycle repeats... 8 hours of study and what not... I feel tired. I don't feel like coming on Minecraft because the questions will spring up. Sometimes they don't, sometimes they do. It's really bad on my part, but after another dull day, I don't want to stress myself further with everything they ask... so I randomly play some FIFA 12, or watch some TV show, read a fiction-book. Then, it's time to hit the sack and close your eyes, wait to fall asleep.
Which classes am I talking about? Well, since my year 12 is done, and the results are yet to be declared (it takes them two months; exams finished 26 March), it's an ideal time for most of the institutions to conduct entrance tests, and then consider you for admission based on your performance. Just when you thought studying was over for a bit, it comes back to bite you hard. I want to do Bachelor of Business Administration. There are not many instis that offer this course, and I'm going to be fighting for a little portion of the total seats of the colleges, wherever I apply. I'm studying 8 hours a day and have no clue if I'll even make it still.
My alternate options aren't anywhere close to what I want to do. I just hope BBA works out. I don't want to be forced to fall back on my other plans. They are not nice. They will make me despondent.
Weird blog post, I think... I don't know. That's all I have to say.
There's so much to deal with. I haven't gotten it out to anyone in any form. Maybe simply writing it here will make me feel better.
Exams & My Career
In India, year 10 and 12 have nationalized finals. The ones that matter more at that of year 12 since you go to college after that. I'm having a hard time dealing with them. Our school has made us give exams and tests 3-5 times and we feel like it's a joke to study it again for the finals now. But we need to study it still. Revise. If I don't get around 90% in my finals, my future is screwed. I'm so worried.
Even if I get 90%, what next? I have no field to go to. Web-development is one... but... sigh.
JR & Minecraft
So much more posts on the forums now, but I can't see them all (reason exams). Minecraft on weekends is getting so huge! 70 members online! I need to learn more... but where is the time? I suck at handling griefs and I don't even know all of Minecraft.
â€‹To be honest, I've had a more detached and careless attitude lately. I have friends... but not the sense of belonging. Affiliation, you know? I don't really wanna talk about this one.
Life's hard. Every night, I get sad for some reason.
I don't know. I've not said and done enough.
I'm upset because I'm sharing the third rank in English, with the highest 15 marks ahead. It is not okay to do better in Accountancy and be a loser in English. It's not...
I wonder what tomorrow will be like. Not only is it my birthday, but also the first farewell day (the second and final is on 4th). It's actually going to be boring because the event's probably gonna be speeches speeches speeches by our juniors.
This score is going to keep me upset.
The syllabus is big, and there are too many concepts and technicalities. I am so bored. I studied the subject everyday for more half of my year 12 life and I just don't want to study it anymore. Because even when I study, I score the same as I do when I don't study. And I've actually tried that out. My scores are only marginally different.
I have my exam tomorrow. A voice inside me tells me I know enough to score the same as I always do, and there is no inspiration to emulate what I've already achieved, which isn't anything show-worthy. Sigh.
I woke up for my exam today, early enough. 7 PM, I stepped out, all ready... and there it was... something I wait months and months together for: dense fog. I was ecstatic! I always love when it's all covered in fog and we have to go to school. It's really late for Winters, but at least, something. On that note, f*** global warming.
This year, we had a much longer syllabus in computer science. There's a 640 page book on C/C++, and there's a 360 page book on Databases, SQL, Boolean Algebra, and Networking. Databases were easy. SQL I never attended classes of. Boolean Algebra I did on my own. Networking was a piece of cake.
So how did I do? Well, I went blank on the first question for five minutes. Then, I progressed slowly, and was forced to show all my answers to my friend (after all the disappointments, you just don't want to give more to a girl ). There was some pretty dope cheating >.> Rather, me showing her alone. Of the six sections, I knew nothing of entire two.
I had a bad mood for a few hours, which is also why I did not come on the server today. Watched The Wire (Season 1), played FIFA, wrote an email to classmate. Finally feeling better! I'll do better next time... just a lesson.
Hmm. So we can have multiple blogs on JR, eh. That's great. I have a main blog (external). Feel free to follow me there for relatively frequent updates.
Anyway, I was thinking today about something. I've learnt to keet my distance after enough bad experiences. Sure, I would be a good friend, but I wouldn't end up attaching myself to anyone emotionally.
So, there's this girl at school that I've been good friends with for about one and a half a year now; she's my classmate. She's very honest, innocent, and simple. Lately, I've been more open about how I feel about her. I've told her I am really glad to be friends with her and stuff (and I really am).
Today, she wrote me a mail, and talked about this other guy who she talked to when I was absent from school the other day. And I was instantly so jealous and everything. I mean, she's not even my girlfriend and I'm still so jealous. I think I am being possessive. It sucks
There's nothing I can do about it.